Growing

I'm back. It's been a minute since I last wrote.
Since that last posting I became the mother of a teenager, zip lined,  and  turned the big 40. That was 2 months ago and I have to say I LOVE 40.
The purpose of this blog was to highlight the experiences on my road to this new phase in my life. I can't say I experienced a lot of different things but I can say with certainty that I grew as a person
One event that I can remember that contributed to this growth was back in August. My grandfather had a bad accident. We almost lost him. As scary as this incident was, it taught me a lot. It made me remember the importance of family. I know we say it a lot, but being that close to losing a key figure in my life was an eye opener.
When I found out he was rushed to the hospital I prayed for the opportunity to see him one more time. I had not visited him in quite some time. Fortunately, he made it through and I visit every time I go home.
While my grandfather was in the hospital I stayed with my grandmother to keep her company. I learned so much from my visit with her. I learned a lot about my dad and his childhood in Mexico.  She spoke about him having polio and the discrimination they endured due to lack of education about the disease. She spoke of the poverty they endured and how she fought to nurse her son back to health. It was during this visit that  I saw my grandmother as more than the woman who had plastic on the couches, with the countless nick knacks, but rather as a mother who worried about her children and a wife who kept vigil at her husband's bedside. She was me, I was her. I was a branch on her tree and I came to realize where my strength and determination came from.
Grandfather is as strong as ever and I am thankful we have more time with him. I am most thankful for the best history lesson I received from my grandmother that day.

Janitor no more

I'm a control freak. I have always been a control freak and can safely say it has taken me some 30+ years to realize I can't control everything. It seems so simple but it's not. I always try to fix things or situations between people and quite honestly it's exhausting and my intentions, on more than one occasion have backfired anyway.
My epiphany happened this weekend when my daughter was rude to my husband and he became upset. She had lost her cheer competition and he tried to console her but ended up pissing her off more. Anyway, they didn't talk the whole ride home and I knew once she got over her dissapointment she was going to feel like shit. I was right.
Once we were home she asked me what to do and what to say. I can't tell you what a relief it was to say "Your on your own, figure it out."  It was a shock to both of us. I'm mom, aka janitor, cleaner of all messes.
My only advice was to say what was in her heart.
 In previous situations I was  the go between and would  try to fix everything because I didn't like to see them fight and I was convinced my husband was mean and didn't love our daughter. I now realilze that their arguments are just that: their arguments and their's to fix and of course my husband loves our daughter. She's his world. He was and is just trying to teach her a life lesson about how to treat people.
The best part was that I didn't have to use any of MYown energy in this situation and listened to them hash it out while I took a long, luxurious, candle lit bubble bath. Heaven.
Another situtation happned this evening when sibling A texted me that sibling B had not texted him back. In that middle of that texting conversation I instinctively started to text sibling B if he had recieved sibling A's text. As luck would have it my mom called and interrupted that text. When the call was over I didn't finish the text because it wasn't  my place or that important to me and it probably wasn't that important to sibling A either.
So this is how I'm choosing to live my life now, not trying to control things and definitly not cleaning up other people's messes. I'm turning in my keys.

Zumba

My Valentines Day present to my family and myself was a gym membership. I had been thinking about joining for a while and finally just walked in and signed us up. I got a copy of the class schedule and saw they had Zumba classes. I had always wanted to try Zumba. I had tried the videos at home but felt it wasn't the same.
Last week I finally decided to try my first Zumba class. I was so nervous. I arrived around 15 minutes early and sat in my car. I was literally shaking. I have no idea why.
I finally walked into class and looked around. There was a mixture of ages ( including senior citizens) and ethnicites and gained some confidence. I figured I knew how to dance and I'm Latina, I could show these people a thing or two about a thing or two.
When the class started the first song was Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. My first thought was WTF? This isn't Zumba music! But I figured when in Rome and got into it. 15 minutes later I was HATING LIFE. I looked up at the clock and wondered the heck I was going to finish this class. Then I realized that these past 15 minutes were just warm up.
The instructor started the music and we started to ZUMBA. I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my skin. I started to feel sick and worked my way to the locker room. I literally threw up in one of the stalls. So much for being a bad ass and putting everyone to shame. Feelings of panic set in when I didn't start to feel better. I sat in the  bathroom stall praying I wasn't having a heart attack and images of the 11:00 news flashed with the headline: WOMEN FOUND DEAD ON TOILET SEAT. No, I was not going out that way.  Finally after what seemed an eternity I mustered up some courage, did some self talk, and  I walked outside,  got some air and went back to the room. I limped in so people would think I had hurt my knee.
The smart thing to do would've been to grab my stuff and leave. But NOOOOOOOO, I had to continue. I had something to proove to myself this time. The heck with everyone else. So I paced myself and finished the class. (insert applause).
Now I know for next time to eat a better dinner because this class burns a lot of energy,  and to pace myself and gradually build up some stamina. This is also a great life lesson for me. I have a tendency to jump into things right away and attack them with such vigour that one of two things happens: I either burn myself out or I get bored and disinterested. So I'm going to try and slow down, relax and try to take everything a slower pace than what I'm used to.
Last thing I learned? That for a 39 year old, I can bootie pop and shimmie with the best of them. :-).

The 14 Day Green Smoothie Challenge

In my quest to try new things this year I decided I wanted to try a Green Smoothie. Why?  Because I heard it was a great cleanse and good for you.
I googled green smoothie for recipies and stumbled upon a Green Smoothie 14 day challenge. I was immediately intigued by the recipes and the testimonials by others on how green smoothies changed their health for the better.  As someone who has a thyroid condidtion I figured I had nothing to lose and a lot to gain.  I signed up and immediatly recieved my Day 1 email.
My first recipe consisted of lettuce and bananas. When I mention this to people their immediate reaction is "GROSS!".  Honestly I didn't think it was gross at all, or maybe I didn't let myself think it was gross.  I tossed in my bananas and blended it with water then added my lettuce and blended a little more. Surprisingly, it wasn't half bad although I didn't care for the tast of the bananas. (Yes it was the bananas that I didn't like).
I went back to the website and started reading some FAQ's. People were writing about side effects they were having, and I swear as I was reading I started to feel sick. Logic tried to tell me there was no way possible I could be having side effects that fast and I knew it was psychosematic but I didn't care. I tried to finish as much as I could and threw the rest away.
Did I feel like I failed? NO WAY.  I had an idea, I tried it, and I didn't like it. I TRIED IT.  I reached a goal. I didn't just say I wanted to do it and always wondered, I acutally did it and I am so proud of myself for it. I took another step in my journey and feel pretty damn good.
 So what's next? I plan on running a 5k in October ( my birthday month) and have already started training on the treadmill and look forward to documenting my progress.

My motto for this year. Enough said

Red light- Green light

I'm back and in full control. I'm working out again and continuing my pledge to eat healthy.
Last week  kicked my butt. I don't know what happened but I felt like I was treading water barely keeping my head above the surface. I couldnt keep up with daily chores and felt overwhelmed and TIRED.
One day last week while I was driving, I dropped my cell phone. My plan was to pick it up at a red light. As luck would have it, I got every single green light.  It was extremely frustrating and I could feel my anxiety rising. I finally got the red light I needed and I let out a huge sigh of relief and closed my eyes. It was such a defining moment  because I felt this sense of peace and calmness take over. I was able to clear my mind .  It was just me, the music and my thoughts. When the light turned green, I felt a sense of relaxation I hadnt felt in a long time.
I think those green lights were a metaphor for my life. I was the Energizer Bunny on crack, just going and going and going. My goal this year was to slow down, relax and smell the roses but I wasn't doing anything to establish this goal. I needed a red light for my life.
So what did I do? I realized that I am not Superwoman. I cannot and don't have to do it all my self. It's ok to relinquish control and ask for help. It will not make me less of a woman if I  can't juggle career, house and famly perfectly and quite frankly no one said I had to. I was the only person putting those expectations on myself. Maybe it was culture, or maybe it was OCD, who knows, but my expectations of myself were unrealistic. Plus if I'm doing my job as a wife and mother then I've  established an environment in which my husband and daughter (especially my daughter) can do for themselves. They probably never did because I would do it all for them.
I put my plan to work. This past weekend when we had come back from LA, they said they were hungry. I was already lying down so I told them to get cereal. They didn't get cereal but they did make themselves some quesadillas AND asked if I wanted anything. AWESOME.  The next day I had my daughter take on more responsilbilites after school while I cooked dinner. The result? Extra time for me to work out and time to finally write in my journal.
As I write this I'm thinking that maybe I am Superwoman. I just wasn't using my powers in the right way. If you look back, every super hero had someone to help him or her out, they didn't go it alone. That wouldve been impossible.  Batman had Robin and Alfred. Spiderman had aunt May and Wonderwoman had Wondergirl.  Who do I have?  Well I have a loving caring family who is going to play a huge role in my taking time to stop and smell the roses and treasure those red lights we often take for granted.

Off to a bad start

Today is January 14th. We are halfway through the month and I have not started one resolution. It didn't help that I was sick for 2 weeks and I think those 2 black cats that walked in front of my car had something to do with it.
I was feeling bad for letting so much time go by without accomplishing anything, but in the end I thought  "If I don't take care of myself who will?" So I rested, caught up on my DVR, and took care of  ME.The only highlight was going to dinner and a movie to celebrate my 16th wedding anniversary. BTW , Black Swan is a must see.
During my sick leave I kept hearing this ongoing theme of New Year, New You all over the media and it resonated with me.
So here I am. The New Me: guilt free, rested, and ready to go......full steam ahead.